Wednesday, May 7, 2014

It's a process!

I am sitting here on this rainy morning a week before I am to leave the village.  I have been working onn writing a chapter by chapter devotional of the Old Testament and as I had some time this morning was typing my handwritten notes into the computer.

As I am rereading what I have previously written, I an convicted by what I have written and what the word of God says.  I fall so short.  In my own little writing bubble I can read these chapters and write my commentary or questions of how it should be applied.  However in the real world... my actions struggle to match up with what God asks of us in His word.

So many times... I am like the "friends" in Job that condemn those and offer ungodly advice rather than encouraging and lifting them up in love.

I desire God to create a clean heart within me and renew a right spirit...but in the midst of certain situations my heart is far from being clean and I ignore the prompting of the spirit of what I should be doing.

There are so many times I feel like a white washed tomb...everybody sees the outside as good but what is inside is not so pretty.

I struggle with doing what God has called me to do at times and think my way or the world's way would be better.

It's a battle of the mind and thenheart to stay focused on what he desires verses what I desire.

I wrestle with what the consequences would truly look like if I took mattwrs into my own hands and did things my way instead of waiting on the LORD.

I am far from perfect and why the God of the universe choses to use me is unbeknownst to me.  But I am thankful that he loves me and forgives me even when I am so unworthy.

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