Friday, April 8, 2016
Tonight our church was hosting a women's retreat as part of the If Gathering. After a very loooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg week at preschool being extremely short staff... I really wasn't sure I wanted to be around a bunch of ladies that I really didn't know. Plus sitting through 3+ hours of listening to others talk didn't really sound appealing when all I really wanted to do was go to bed. Exhaustion from the long week had officially kicked in! But after the encouragement from the amazing man in my life to go to this retreat... relax... and meet some new friends... I went!
Anyway... tonight the nail was hit on the head. Since being back in the states I have been struggling with balancing expectations... and what I realized tonight I have been struggling to prove to myself that I am enough.
-Am I enough in my new job?
-Am I enough in my friendships?
-Am I enough in making my "new" life in Laguna Hills, CA?
-Am I enough in being back stateside... in the US???
-Am I enough in my relationship with this amazing man?
-Am I enough as a daughter? as a sister? as a friend? as a boss? as a ....????
And the list could go on and on...
I realized I have been striving to stay on that pedestal of "enoughness" that so many have put me on over the years.
Ok... humbling thought... yes I am being real because that is the real me... I am not enough... in my own strength. I can't do it. I don't have the strength or the ability. I fall short of living up to my own expectations much less everyone else's. When I try to do it on my own... I only get discouraged and fall flat on my face!
So picking my self up of the ground, I realize I am like Peter refusing to put his dirty feet before the Master to wash them (John 13:8). I am a zealot and a sinner... otherwise known as I have a LOT of dirt on my feet and I do not want to put them in front of anyone much less my Master. Thankfully I know my Master well enough to call Him SAVIOR... PROVIDER...REDEEMER... RESTORER...FRIEND. He calls me as a father would call their child to come and wash up before dinner. He wants to have fellowship with me. It is only by His grace that I can be enough.
Ultimately Christ is calling me to give Him my dirty feet. He is telling me that I am ENOUGH... not based on anything I have done but what He has already done. When Jesus went to the cross He took the dirt and did away with it once and for all.
He took the posture of a servant. He walked in grace and peace. He was ENOUGH and in Him... I am also ENOUGH ... not because I have done anything worthy but because I am His child!
So the prayer of my heart tonight is "Redeem my life... and Restore my purpose." I truly want to live like the God of the universe created me to be ENOUGH.
I don't have it all together... I fall short daily... I am self centered... I am unkind... I am unloving... but I AM ENOUGH!
I AM LOVED BY THE KING OF KINGS AND HE THINKS I AM ENOUGH... and SO ARE YOU!