Change is inevitable

After spending the day at Elon University visiting with friends that I used to work with, I have realized how much the campus and staff have changed.  These changes have occured via retirement... death... career path changes... and the like. 

For example.... I walked into one office that I used to work in occasionally and I knew NO one sitting behind the desk.  I ended up having to explain why this strange person meandered in and just looked at them.  All of the ladies that used to work in there have since retired leaving a new group of faces. 

After visiting with people, I was told that I needed to visit the alumni house and the interfaith building.  As I was looking at pictures in the alumni house (which used to be health services)... I realized that I have grown up on this campus and the changes that I see aren't just from it being my undergrad alma mater but from my childhood playground. 

Today has been a walk down memory lane for me... early memories of roller skating down the halls of what is now Koury center...parking in front of the building that has become a beautiful courtyard.... attending the 100 year celebration when they are now celebrating 125 years... being the last class of Elon College and watching all the changes that have occured with becoming a well known university.

Realizing that dad will be retiring in a couple of years after 30 years of service makes the years really seem to have flown by.  The one constant in this game of life is CHANGE!

Can't give up now

It is well after midnight and I am still very much awake. Since getting to the east coast it seems my sleeping habits may still be on Hawaiian time.  LOL!

Anyway I have been sitting here... reading... knitting... and listening to worship music trying to unwind.  The current song is Mary Mary's "Can't give up now"... there are parts of the lyrics that caught my attention... and it really made me think of my current situation.

This transition from Hawaii to Uganda has not been easy.... the enemy has been trying to distract... honestly there have been circumstances that have been beyond my control... there have been some difficult emotions....but my God has not brought me this far to leave me.  I have a perfect peace in moving to Uganda and I can't give up now.  Ultimately that would be letting the enemy win! 

I have been extremely blessed by friends and family that have spent time with me... doted upon me and showered me with love, encouragement, and support.  I was sharing with my dad tonight how God has provided on this journey...from doctors visits to prescriptions to basic needs and support.... each day comes with another surprise.  I will not let the enemy distract me and force me to give up.  I can not go back or focus on the past... there is nothing I can do to change that...  I can move forward and do exactly what God is calling me to do for today!  On the other hand I cannot get wrapped up in the unknowns of the future... I have to stay focused on the present.... it is truly a gift from the Lord!

Adventures in the Golden State

Several friends (not on facebook) have emailed asking how California was, so while I am stuck on a planefor the next little bit, I thought I would put together a snippet of the fun adventures....

Wednesday... flew out of Mkk to Hnl where I met up with Joe Greene... taught at MCA ten years ago and he just recently moved back to Hawaii to work on his doctorate... talked story for 3 hours before I needed to check in for my mainland flight.  Flew Hawaiian to Oakland where I spent the flight talking with my seat buddy who is an astrologer.  Quite funny as she noted after checking out my signs that I have great adventures in store.  Boy do I ever!  Brent and Ashley picked me up and we drove to their house.  Kind of tired but not enough to fall immediately to sleep... however when my alarm rang the next morning... I was struggling with the time difference!

Thursday...after a cup at coffee  at the house... Ashley and I headed to the restaurant Railroad for breakfast and then up to Mt. Diablo...which is the highest peak in the area at almost 4000 feet.  Beautiful day!  Stopped at Chickfila for lunch and then spent some time looking around Livermore.  Brent had a work meeting slash cookout so we went to that and spent time inside catching up.  I am blown away how warm it is during the day but how cold it gets at night.  Also realized that California doesn't just get its name from actual gold  but how gold the hills turn during dry season... absolutely beautiful!  Once we got home we moved the baby furniture up the stairs and sat and talked about the new baby while playing fetch with Sophie ...the dog!

Friday... Ashley and I had breakfast at Starbucks and then set out to register at Target and Babies r us.  This was way too much fun!  Met up with Brent for lunch and then Ashley's ultrasound appointment.  So cool to see this little lady!  Went home and made pound cake... while that was cooking we ran out and got fresh strawberries and stopped at Trader Joes.  Had dinner with some of Ashley's math colleagues. 

Saturday... We had breakfast at Country cafe and then headed off across the bay... stopped and walked around Stanford University.... drove along the beaches which were freezing... had lunch at daddy o's... then headed to San Francisco... went to gheridelli factory ... saw alcatraz and the golden gate bridge... went to fisherman's wharf and saw the sea lions... had clam chowder in a bread bowl at the Boudin sour dough bakery... oh and I ran down Lombard street and drove past the Full House row of houses known as the painted ladies.  It was definitely a full day!

Sunday... went to the early service at Crosswinds then out to breakfast at Danika's where they had huge cinnamon rolls.  Went to babies r us to finish the registry, drove past several vineyards and then home to take a nap.  Enjoyed dinner out at an italian restaurant then went on a couple of walks.  The day was finished with Club McHale and watching Lion king in 3d

Monday... lazy morning... packed and hauled my stuff downstairs... had to deal with a couple of phone calls... but wanted to spend time catching up with Ashley so I knitted on the couch while chatting with Ashley.  Met up with Brent for lunch at a mexican place ... went back loaded the car ... Ashley took me to where she works and we walked around a bit before heading to the airport. Traffic was not bad at all so made it to OAK where we said our goodbyes and I headed to check in.  Got bumped up to first class so got to board first and it was a nice relaxing flight.  May have to fly first class again when it is a longer flight!

Overall the theme seems to revolve around food, friends, and fun.  Good times with a dear friend that I haven't seen in a couple of years!

No sad goodbyes

Well almost...at the moment I am in HNL waiting to meet up with a friend who I have not seen in 8 years.

Left MKK with an achy heart but not a lot of tears.  Mostly  due to the fact that I had a  6:45am flight that was on time and besides Aunty Aome who took me to the airport and friends who work at the airport there wasn't a goodbye group.  Bri and Judah stopped by the house before I left and by the time I left Judah was crying.  I don't like seeing others cry and with an already achy heart it doesn't take much for the tears to start flowing. 

After not sleeping at all...having more coffee than I should have... and having to say goodbye to the furballs, the house, and my home of 12 years...I am feeling a bit shaky and emotional.

Counting my blessings and remembering that 10 months will fly by.  Ready for a nap!

Twas the night before departure

With 7 hours left til departure from MKK...  I may or may not spend that time sleeping.  Today has been a day filled with blessing and encouragement.

Spent this morning visiting with a friend and her new baby... went to the beach and out to lunch with another friend and her two year old... came home amd was inundated with calls and pele stopping by to drop off gifts of aloha.  Enjoyed a sweet time of fellowship at the Maunaloa bible study only to be dropped off at home and welcomed by phone calls and messages.

This journey is not about me going down to Uganda all by my lonesome self... I am taking with me my Molokai family.  I have received so much love, encouragement, prayers, and blessing over the past couple of days that I could float over on cloud 9.

So as I head out... it is not goodbye... but 'a hui hou'  ... until we meet again!

Loved!

For the first time in a long time, it is after midnight and I am fully awake... not because  of stress or the endless to do list or spiritual battle... but because of not wanting this day... evening... weekend to end.  My heart is blessed beyond belief and I don't want to lose this feeling.

After yesterdays post of wants and needs... I am realizing that maybe I do not have to force emotions but through the love and support and prayers of precious friends that are truly excited for what God is doing in my life ... I can be excited for this new adventure.  At the see ya later party tonight I was able to spend quality time with those I dearly love... not only is that my love language but it is also the way that God encourages me.  I truly saw the hearts of those that have been by my side through the years.  Love is a two way street... and I hope that each person in my life knows that they are loved by me as well as the God of the universe.

What I really need

Throughout this entire transition, there have been a myriad of emotions... however excitement would not be one of them.  Due to all of the unknowns and changes up to this point, I just haven't been able to get excited.  I have had peace and joy that only come from Christ but I have come to the conclusion that excitement may or may not come.  I am ok with this but after a conversation this morning I am realizing that this is only making the transition more difficult on the friends and family surrounding me. 

As I have mentioned before...everyone has their own expectations as to this situation... but no one has been down this path to truly understand what I am going through... and that makes a very lonely journey when I can't put into words what I need or want.  Everyone wants me to put on an excited face so they can be excited as well.   They don't want to see tears or hear my fears as that only creates a domino effect.  I guess it hurts less for everyone else if I at least put on an excited face and act like I have it all together.

Honestly I struggle with that as it feels like I am putting on a mask and lying to people that I dearly love.  So after pondering the comments that were made this morning... I am going to verbalize my wants and needs.

+I am mourning the loss of something that has been close to my heart for 12 years... I will need a shoulder to cry on and a friend to hold my hand.  Words aren't necessary.
+I am moving into a situation where I don't know the language... or the culture... or the people...nor will I have mzungus nearby who understand... I will need visitors as well as notes of encouragememt...even if it is just an update on what is going on in your life. 
+I am on this journey by myself and yes I have Jesus by myside but we were created for fellowship... I will need prayer for comfort and His provision during the times of loneliness.
+I am not as strong as many think I am... you don't see the tears shed and the sleepless nights spent in spiritual battle... I just want friends to come alongside and provide hugs and prayers for strength in this journey.
+I am not good at reading minds... so I want you to verbalize your expectations to me, encourage, and hold me accountable when needed.  Good communication and NO SURPRISES!

I want to stay in touch and whether this is for 9 months or 25 years know that I look forward to the day that we will be reunited whther here on earth or in heaven for all of eternity.  In these last few days on MKK don't avoid me because you don't know what to say... embrace and encourage and pray for me!

Steal my show

It has been a while since my last post.  Part of me has not wanted to write out what my heart has been going through over the past few weeks.  The other part knows I need prayer as this transition continues to move forward.

I leave Molokai in less than 5 days... and on top of cleaning, packing, spending time with friends, hosting a baby shower, finishing up grad school projects as well as requests from other things that I have been responsible for... I have been trying to get things rolling for my new position in a country where I will have to learn their culture and ways of doing things as well as the contacts needed to run a school well.  All of this has been so far above what I can do or handle in my own strength. (I personally feel like I have been an emotional basket case!)  When I try to do it in my own strength... I stress and don't sleep... which only plays into the downward spiral of emotions. 

Ultimately I want God to just "steal my show"...(lyrics below from Toby Mac) I have come to the conclusion that I can't do this on my own and if He doesn't show up at every moment... I will fall flat on my face.  This entire transition is all about obedience to Him despite my feelings or emotions. 

Yes I have a lot of onlookers in this journey but the prayer of my heart is when they see this journey ... they don't see me but Jesus!  It is all about His story in my life... I am just a cracked pot that He chooses to use.  He has center stage! 

STEAL MY SHOW by TOBY MAC

Another cold night  Another Late Flight
It's almost show time, and diverse city is waitin' on me
We got a packed house, the crowd is callin' out
They want the beat to drop, but what we really need is you
(Chorus)
If you wanna steal my show, i'll sit back and watch you go
If you got somethin' to say, go on and take it away
Need you to steal my show, can't wait to watch you go-o-o-o
So take it away
So now the crowd is hype, that you showed up tonight
Anticipatin', cravin', somethin' more than smoke and lights
So i'll step out the way, I'll give you center stage
Alright, Spotlight give 'em what they came for
(Chorus)
When you arrive, we come to life
Our hearts collide, they're beating in the same time
You're comin' through, all eyes on you
Our hearts collide they're beating in the same time,
Beating in the same time
No matter who we are, no matter what we do
Every day we can chose to say
(Chorus)
My Life, my friends, my heart, It's all yours, God, take it away, my dreams
my fears, my family, my career, take it away, It's all yours, God
Take it away, take it away, It's you I wanna live for