What I really need

Throughout this entire transition, there have been a myriad of emotions... however excitement would not be one of them.  Due to all of the unknowns and changes up to this point, I just haven't been able to get excited.  I have had peace and joy that only come from Christ but I have come to the conclusion that excitement may or may not come.  I am ok with this but after a conversation this morning I am realizing that this is only making the transition more difficult on the friends and family surrounding me. 

As I have mentioned before...everyone has their own expectations as to this situation... but no one has been down this path to truly understand what I am going through... and that makes a very lonely journey when I can't put into words what I need or want.  Everyone wants me to put on an excited face so they can be excited as well.   They don't want to see tears or hear my fears as that only creates a domino effect.  I guess it hurts less for everyone else if I at least put on an excited face and act like I have it all together.

Honestly I struggle with that as it feels like I am putting on a mask and lying to people that I dearly love.  So after pondering the comments that were made this morning... I am going to verbalize my wants and needs.

+I am mourning the loss of something that has been close to my heart for 12 years... I will need a shoulder to cry on and a friend to hold my hand.  Words aren't necessary.
+I am moving into a situation where I don't know the language... or the culture... or the people...nor will I have mzungus nearby who understand... I will need visitors as well as notes of encouragememt...even if it is just an update on what is going on in your life. 
+I am on this journey by myself and yes I have Jesus by myside but we were created for fellowship... I will need prayer for comfort and His provision during the times of loneliness.
+I am not as strong as many think I am... you don't see the tears shed and the sleepless nights spent in spiritual battle... I just want friends to come alongside and provide hugs and prayers for strength in this journey.
+I am not good at reading minds... so I want you to verbalize your expectations to me, encourage, and hold me accountable when needed.  Good communication and NO SURPRISES!

I want to stay in touch and whether this is for 9 months or 25 years know that I look forward to the day that we will be reunited whther here on earth or in heaven for all of eternity.  In these last few days on MKK don't avoid me because you don't know what to say... embrace and encourage and pray for me!