Saturday, March 23, 2013

Conversations


After a long conversation with Uncle John tonight, I am realizing that I am obeying what God is calling me to do but my flesh is reminding me of all the things I “deserve”.  Did Christ “deserve” to die on the cross when that should have been me?  Is this what it looks like for me to pick up my cross and follow?  I am thrilled that God thinks me strong enough to carry this cross because I am really doubting myself to shoulder the load.  Thankfully His promises are resonating in my mind… “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” and “Fear not, I am with you” and “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”  I do pray that God will bring my heart to total surrender of His will not mine…. that He will bring people in my life that understand… that maybe … just maybe I will have a “partner” to walk with me through this.  Someone that understands and has a heart for the ministry here… someone that loves me for me despite my imperfections… someone who will treasure and encourage and protect.

Ultimately I need to let go of what I have been holding on to on how God “should” work things out and just let Him do it.

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