Everyone has those days that they "get up on the wrong side of the bed". Normally other people notice the grouchy behavior and comment. However when you live by yourself and admit to having a bad day... you know its bad. Thankfully there was no one else around today to experience my fussyness. Not sure it is hormones... tiredness... anxiety... or just emotions from being disappointed but I have battled over it all day. I have prayed... cleaned despite... napped... spent time in the Word... and still can't shake the feelings. So I thought I would write it out.
A couple of days ago, I was requested to send school paperwork to assist in the starting of the school in Uganda. Basically with the school starting in January, they are looking for someone to administer sooner rather than later. After sending the info, the peace about going to Uganda and my future plans seemed to shatter leaving behind a lot of unknowns and anxiety. I leave for NYC in less than 10 days... expectations of meeting up with friends while there is just not happening.
Ultimately I do know who holds my future. HE has a great plan for my good and HIS glory. At this point my brain knows it but there is doubt/unbelief in my heart.
Lord, what I need right now is your peace that no matter what happens or what you're calling me to... that it will be good. I specifically pray for certain friendships. I am really struggling with all of the unknowns... the ups and downs... either make this or break this! As much as I have tried to guard my heart... I am in deep. If I go much deeper and this is not of you... it is not going to be good. Protect my heart and help me to trust You fully. Lord I cast my anxiety and unbelief at your feet. Show me what you desire of me to do and pursue. Renew my first love. May I love with reckless abandon knowing that you hold my heart in your hand. May you bless this trip to New York... may I be an encouragement and blessing to everyone I meet. Open new doors... keep me safe, well, and protected... go before me. Thank you for the opportunities you have allowed and provided.
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