No matter What by Kerrie Roberts

In memory of Tinkerbean

On January 23rd, a precious pet left this earth.  Even as I write this several weeks after the fact my eyes are full of tears and my heart is filled with sorrow.

Tinkerbean (along with 4 siblings) were rescued at approximately 2 weeks old after their mother was mauled by a dog.  All five kittens spent the weekend in my bathtub being dropper fed every two hours and bathed to stay clean.  The following Sunday, they were adopted out... everyone except Tink because at that time he had an eye infection.  This was August 25th, 2006.

Over the past 4 and a half years, there have been a lot of fun memories with this little furball as he captured the heart of everyone that he met.  He didn't realize he was a cat as he loved water, knew how to fetch, and would bark out the front window at the neighbor's dog.  He would greet you at the door by rubbing up against your legs and lick you in the face once you sat down.  During naps, he would curl up on top of my head and purr himself to sleep.  He loved to play and be the center of attention.  Looking back, yes it was a very short life but well lived. 

His last few days were filled with pain after being stung by a scorpion and loss of body functions... he wasn't eating, drinking, or using the bathroom.  All day Saturday, I could just tell he was in pain but he was still trying to be the snuggly kitty.  But on Sunday, January 23rd, I woke up at 7am and all he could do was wag the tip of his tail and look at me with a weak 'meow'.  He couldn't move and when he tried he couldn't even get his paws to the floor.  It was so heartbreaking.  I picked him up and brought him back to my bed where he snuggled until he gasped his last breath.  Tink died in my arms at 10:15am.  The hardest part was I couldn't get ahold of anyone... everyone was at church or not picking up their phone.  I had to bury Tink by myself but that was probably the best as I truly know that God carried me through what I didn't think I had the strength to do.  Tink is now buried in the back yard with a very simple funeral filled with more tears than words. 

Even three weeks after, I thought I could write this but I have sat here struggling for composure to see the computer screen.  It has truly been a difficult trial but God has truly been faithful to be my strength and joy through it all.  You don't know God in certain ways until you go through something that is beyond what you can do.

I have also realized that pets are the closet thing that we get to unconditional love on this earth.  Tink was not just an animal... he was a friend and a companion.  He will be sorely missed.  As one of the sympathy cards said, "Pets touch our lives in their own special ways and remain forever in the warmest corners of our heart".

Love you, my dear Tinkerbean!

My heart is full... my body is tired

First things first-  As I sit here trying to put into words from an overflowing life of abundance, my eyelids are drooping and my mind is just not putting into words what my heart would like to express.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you."  Matthew 6:33

God is the true giver of clarity, understanding, and wisdom.  He sees all, is in all, and over all and that is how He desires us to live our lives for Him.

Looking back over the past few days of the 2011 ACSI conference, my heart is overwhelmed by what God is doing through His people around the world, that are truly seeking His kingdom (not just on Sunday)!  Kingdom living is not just for Sunday but Monday through Saturday as well.  Kingdom living is not just for Bible class but for math, science, and history as well.  Doesn't all of history scream that we are in need of a Savior?  Our Savior, the God of the Universe, did write his-story (aka the Bible).  He is the first mathematician (Genesis 1), the greatest historian that has ever been, and he continues to be the greatest scientist and Doctor that ever lived. 

My eyes and heart have truly been opened to what God is doing daily, minute by minute.  For where God is, there I want to be.  Is He a priority like the air you breathe or is He put on a shelf until we "need" him?

Are we truly seeking Him first?  If so, are others seeing first things first?

2011 Book List

There is always a pile of books beside my bed.  I normally read a little before bed.  I have been challenged for 2011 to record what I read.  My goal is to read 50 books (that are more than 35 pages in length!) and I challenge you to do the same.

1. Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
2. Gladys Aylward:  The Adventure of a Lifetime by Janet & Geoff Benge
3. Principles of Leadership for Women by Gail Mays
4. George Muller: The Guardian of Bristol's Orphans by Janet and Geoff Benge
5. Hearts of Fire by Voice of the Martyrs
6. Jim Elliot: One Great Purpose by Janet and Geoff Benge
7. Ida Scudder: Healing Bodies, Touching Hearts by Janet and Geoff Benge
8. Crazy Love by Francis Chan
9. Forgotten God by Francis Chan
10. John Williams: Messenger of Peace by Janet and Geoff Benge
11. Amy Carmichael: Rescuer of Precious Gems by Janet and Geoff Benge
12. Lillian Trasher:  The Greatest Wonder in Egypt by Janet and Geoff Benge
13. Wilfred Grenfell: Fisher of men by Janet and Geoff Benge
14.  Corrie Ten Boom: Keeper of  the Angels' den by Janet and Geoff Benge
15. Clarence Jones: Mr. Radio by Janet and Geoff Benge
16. William Booth: Soup, Soap and Salvation by Janet and Geoff Benge
17. Florence Young: Mission Accomplished by Janet and Geoff Benge
18. Loren Cunningham: Into All the World by Janet and Geoff Benge
19. Molokai by Alan Brennert
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

Christmas is a week away and I can officially say I am ready.  Living on Molokai (and spending the holidays here) has so many simple treasures and sweet blessings...

• This is a very close kint community even though I have no biological family to spend Christmas with-  God has blessed me with several hanai (adopted) families. 
• This is one of the few places you can look at Christmas lights with your windows down and not freeze.  (And people here go all out with the lights and decorations!)
• Because we have no serious shopping here, the commercial aspect of Christmas is not as big- the focus is more on Christ's birth.
• I love the intergenerational aspect of the culture with my little ones singing Christmas carols with the kupuna.
• Did I mention it is 80 degrees and my windows are open?  :)
• Oh and while I am counting my blessings of all the things that make this season wonderful is receiving Christmas cards.  I so treasure receiving them as it makes me feel connected to the rest of the world as well as news and encouragment that you are doing well.
• Last but not least is our dear Savior's birth-  Jesus came with one goal in mind- To be your savior!  The best gift of all.
• Mele Kalikimaka!

One Way (Jesus) - Hillsong United

One Way Jesus!!!

Here I sit lifting up my heart before my Savior... struggling over emotions, disappointment in myself, wanting to throw up my hands and say "what's the use?". 

Waiting on God's timing has always been a struggle for me... I am not a 'wait til the last possible moment" kind of girl.  I like to get things done ahead of time.  I want to know what is coming. 

Anyone who has walked with God for any length of time knows that God does not do theings in our timeframe but in His. (However it may be 11:59pm!)

As I am rambling to God about all the things unfair, these song lyrics pop into my mind...

"You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life... I live by faith and not by sight... for You... I'm living all for You."

A peace fills me, that no matter what I see going on around me, if I am living by faith, God will take care of the rest.

I serve a just God... a merciful God... a God who created time and space... what is a few years of waiting in the span of eternity???  Here I am trying to do certain things in my own strength when God is telling me "live by faith, not by sight."

So today, for this moment in time, I lay my singleness at Your feet.  I lay my desire to be a Proverbs 31 wife and mother at Your feet.  I lay my will at Your feet.  I am taking a step out on faith.  I'm living all for YOU!