It is a few days before valentine's day... a holiday I have loved since I was a little girl due to what it stands for. I guess a year or so ago I thought this would be the day I would be getting my dream come true... the chance to be a wife with the hopes of becoming a mother. I always thought it would be ideal to get married on the 14th of February and since in the year 2015 it fell on Saturday.... I thought it was destined to happen.
Then choices were made... I chose to move to the other side of the world... he chose to not stay in contact...I chose to hold out hope and make excuses... he chose to find another girl closer to home... so I moved again.
In the process of moving on... two worlds collided... setting me on a course to find a man who loves me for me. Unfortunately old habits die hard... walls are put up...trust issues from the past are put on non-suspecting innocent by standers... and any one who wants a commitment is pushed away.
Will I ever find someone that loves me for me... even with all my insecurities... even with all my flaws and faults... even with just being me? I know we are all imperfect people just trying to make relationships work. Relationships... whether friends... family... or more... all take work. It takes both parties laying down their issues and fears and saying I love you inspite of our differences.
The list of ideal qualities in my ideal husband was tossed into the wind a long time ago and I am realizing that I have a lot of things to work on personally before I can expect anything from anyone else. The more I learn about myself the more I realize how far I have to go. So I am letting go of the ideal... concentrating on today... and trusting that my divine creator has a perfect purpose and plan for me.
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