After a long conversation with Uncle John tonight, I am
realizing that I am obeying what God is calling me to do but my flesh is
reminding me of all the things I “deserve”.
Did Christ “deserve” to die on the cross when that should have been
me? Is this what it looks like for me to
pick up my cross and follow? I am
thrilled that God thinks me strong enough to carry this cross because I am
really doubting myself to shoulder the load.
Thankfully His promises are resonating in my mind… “I can do all things
through Christ who strengthens me” and “Fear not, I am with you” and “I will
never leave you nor forsake you.” I do
pray that God will bring my heart to total surrender of His will not mine….
that He will bring people in my life that understand… that maybe … just maybe I
will have a “partner” to walk with me through this. Someone that understands and has a heart for
the ministry here… someone that loves me for me despite my imperfections…
someone who will treasure and encourage and protect.
Ultimately I need to let go of what I have been holding on
to on how God “should” work things out and just let Him do it.
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