Heart to Heart

Lord- You and I need to have a heart to heart about life... and direction... and boys... and ministry.  My heart is torn.  I want answers but all I hear is wait... trust me... faith is things unseen... be content for today.   I am making the changes you have called me to but these changes make me more emotional and nervous.  You are a big all knowing God and I know you can handle my questions... I also realize that you see the bigger picture and I don't.  I need answers and your calmness despite the emotions.  I want to be that calm, steady woman but I feel like I am on a boat in the midst of a storm. 

Here are my questions...

• You have made the promise that I will be a wife and mother on this earth... when is this going to happen?
• I need your wisdom to know what are deal breakers and what you desire me to handle and grow through.
• What am I transitioning into?  Where am I heading?  What are you prepping me for?  Everyone has an idea but I want YOU!

So I guess I need to focus solely on you.  Trust that when it is time all answers will be revealed and live a life of purity! 

What speaks to your heart?

Nothing speaks a message clearer to my heart than worship before God through music.  Words that my mouth can't utter through plain spoken word can be put to music and transfer me to the foot of the Jesus.

After prayer and praise tonight my heart is so overwhelmed with emotion.  I went in with a heavy heart seeking God's direction.  With in moments the heaviness of my heart is lifted and I am singing "How great thou art" in 3 languages... English, Hawaiian, and Samoan.  As I am recounting the words "then sings my soul... My Savior God to thee... How great thou art" my soul is singing!  God is so faithful to provide exactly what we need when we need it.  As I petition for direction, God's answer is "Not yet... my grace is enough."

God may not be working the way I think He should be but He is working.  He is working mightily!  I needed the reminder that it is not my will but His.  My desire needs to fall in line with His and I need to trust that His ultimate plan and direction is for my good and His glory.  So as Matt Redman sings... "10,000 reasons for my heart to praise."

Whispers

That still small voice that whispers in your ear.  Do you make a huge life change by just a whisper?  After following Christ for quite a while, I know His voice but what if He is whispering and calling to do something never done before.  I am so used to God following His whispers with an open door. 

What if I am hearing the whisper but not seeing the open door?  Am I mistaking my makers voice or am I pigeon holing God because He has never done it that way before????

As I seek Him all I am hearing is ... Trust Me... do what I am calling you to do and my plan will be revealed.

Trusting is so difficult at times especially when you have no clue as to where it may take you!

At the foot of the cross

Have you ever pondered... "if I were the only person on this planet, would Jesus have still come and laid down His life?"  The answer is a solid YES! We are all sinners in need of a Savior.  Looking at others, we often compare thinking things like "my sin is not as bad as theirs" but comparing orselves to God we fall short everytime.  God looks down and sees people in two categories... sinners and sinners saved by grace.

Too many times "christians" take the 'holier than thou' approach when judging others.  In this mindset there is a sliding scale of sin... some sins are worse than others... some sins are worse than others... some are small "minor" infractions.  We can always find someone with a worse sin than us. 

Personally, I am saddeded by this because at one point I had this mindset.  God has since convicted my heart of this and often brought to mind the quote "There be I but for the grace of God." 

At the foot of the cross, there is a level playing field no matter what your background or struggle.  There is no judgement or condemnation... just grace and mercy!

Birthday Fun

After an intense summer in grad school and an emotional week adjusting back to Molokai, I have been in need of a fun girls weekend.  On Friday afternoon, Whitney and I flew to Oahu to start our grand adventure.  The afternoon started with pedicures, some shopping, and dinner at Outback before heading up North Shore.  We stayed the weekend with Nicci and ALL the Pou boys... her hubby, four boys, and a couple of extra friends.  Friday night we stayed up til 1:30am or so talking story.

Saturday, Whit and I kidnapped Nicci and went to Kapolei shopping/browsing. Had lunch then headed to Mililani for an adventure.  One of the things on my bucket list was to go rock climbing and since I am trying to retrain my brain that fun doesn't have to revolve around food... this was as good of time as any.  After a brief training we harnessed in and took turns climbing....

 Up... up.... and away!

 Made it to the top!!!  Woohooo!!!

 Nicci's turn...

 Whitney did it!!!

 An absolutely amazing workout and a fun time with friends.  We will have to do this again soon! 

After rock climbing, we went with all of the boys to the movies... some of us went to see Ice Age and a couple of the boys went to the new Batman movie.  Before heading home we stopped at Baskin Robbins to pick up an ice cream cake and stuff for dinner.  Dawn and Bella joined us for a birthday dinner at the Pou's. 

The evening was finished off by a Just Dance competition... which was just plain ole FUN!

Today we went to The Mission for an amazing message and time of worship.  After church, we headed to do some shopping before I dropped Whitney off at the airport.  I have a meeting downtown tomorrow so I don't head home until tomorrow evening.  But it has been a fabulous birthday weekend!  Now I am ready to hit the ground running with school stuff starting in 2 days!

Trust

After a four and a half hour conversation with my mom tonight, it seems that the topic of trust came up numerouse times.  Mainly... am I trusting God for ______?  Fill in the blank... finances... health... relationships... future.  This has been my weakness lately... not trusting enough to not be stressed.  Basically I start off trying to figure things out on my own.... issue is bigger than I can handle... I stress because I can't... then God kindly reminds me... "You're right... you can't but I CAN!  Just TRUST me!". 

Back to the present moment,  I sit down to work on my Bible study, open to the page where I left off and the question is posed "Will you trust God even when there is no immediate reward?"  REALLY.... I think I am getting the hint that God is growing me to trust him more.  Trust Him when health is failing... trust Him when the bills are piling up... trust Him when you're called to do something you don't understand... trust Him when someone is removed from your life... trust Him when doors keep closing... trust Him even when the washing machine spins its last cycle.  Just TRUST Him!

Ultimately it is in those times that we trust Him despite not seeing the outcome that our faith has a chance to grow.  It is also at those times when we come to a place of ultimate surrender...not my will but yours.

"My life is in Your hands.  My heart is in Your keeping."

The Bachelorette

This is the first season that I have gotten hooked on the reality tv show "Bachelorette" on ABC.  Normally I don't get ABC at my house and most seasons there is just too much drama for my liking.  For whatever reason, I stumbled upon Emily midway through this season. 

A little background... Emily is a single mom who has been left at the alter on a previous season of The Bachelor.  She as invited back to find her "chance" at love again with 25 guys.  Each week at least one guy doesn't receive a rose and is sent packing.

I think that is enough background.  Any way most seasons, in my opinion it is based on lust not love.  The majority of the show is spent with the bachelorette making out and making false promises to the myriads of guys in hopes of finding "love".  I guess, this season, what really caught my attention is how genuine some of these guys were.  Some were very respectful and had a heart to find true love even with risking a major heartbreak.

Ok... all this leading up to the episode tonight...  Emily has narrowed it down to three guys... spends an enchanting week in Curacao with them.  At a very emotional rose ceremony she sends Sean home.  Sean is  the one that I really thought Emily would end up with... just a truly genuine heart.  As Sean is leaving, he lovingly says to Emily, "I care about you.  If this is the best for you then do what is best for you."  Sean left shell shocked as this had caught him off guard and he was truly heart broken.  His comment reminded me out of 1 Corinthians 13, the verse that says "Love is not self seeking".  True love looks out for the other persons heart before their own and I think that was evident in Sean's heart.

So much of our world is built on "if you love me, you will...".  The self-gratification type of love that puts "me" ahead of others.  God's view of love is opposite... it is not self-seeking... His love says "I love you so much that I will lay down my life for you so that you may live."  Such amazing TRUE love.